Year draws to a close

Well a bit late with getting back here, but better than last time *grins*.

So had my quarterly scan at the end of Nov and then saw Dr. Heyer last week. Things are status quo, no changes in the size of the residual mass, leaving him pretty confident that it is just a fibrous mass. Based on the last couple scans, am now just going to be having CT Abd/Pelvis with a chest x-ray. No more CT's of the chest unless something changes and warrants further examination. Still on a quarterly cycle with scans in Feb & May. After that it will be one year post chemo and depending upon the scans, will evaluate things at that time.

Talked with him about my thermo regulation issues and he said that's very normal as we have screwed with the whole metabolism given the drug cocktail I was being subjected too. That may change in time, so we'll see how that progresses. Right now the cold is just bothering me more than it ever has before.

Along with that is a lovely bonus from the bleomycin, called Raynaud's Syndrome. Basically what this means is that the nerve damage to my fingers/toes has affected my bodies ability to regulate the blood vessels at my extremities and I literally lose circulation to my fingers and toes. If you want to know more about this, click on the name above. So far haven't had any respiratory issues related to the bleomycin, so I guess that's a good comprimise. Not sure if this is a permanent thing or something that will fade with time.. we'll see won't we?! LOL

Otherwise physically I'm doing good, had a small set back with some torn muscles between my ribs and a bruised left hip from a fall, but am now recovered from that and getting back to working out again, finally!

The family is doing good, Shannon made the all A honor roll in her first quarter in 7th grade, Ashley continues to do well and they both ran the Reindeer Romp again this month is freezing rain/snow. We have started winter softball clinics after 6 weeks off and they seemed to be doing well, Ashley is still pitching and starting to work hard to improve. For Marnie & I work continues to occupy our time, as well as Girl Scouts (yes we are cookie parents for both troops again this year). In addition Marnie is again doing candle sales through Partylite which she enjoys.

Hope this finds you all warm and healthy and truly wish you all a great Holiday Season! To all a Merry Christmas and good night for 2009....

Time Flies...

Well gotten out of the habit of posting something here and was talking with someone about my experience and realized that I didn't want to let this fade away, so let me bring you back up to speed on things in my life.

At the end of August I had a follow up CT scan and when I saw Dr. Heyer (Oncologist) in early September, the results were encouraging. The residual mass which was thought to be fibrous or scar tissue has shrunk slightly giving more confirmation that what's left is just a fibrous mass that will continue to slowly shrink over time. Am scheduled for another CT scan in Nov and will be interesting to see if we continue to see ongoing shrinkage of the fibrous mass.

As for me, mentally/emotionally I still have some moments (LOL don't we all!) especially when going for the scans, that still gives me a bit of consternation. But on the whole I am doing well. Physically everyone says that I look great! I have kept the head shaved (girls like it, especially Ashley *wink*) and my color/stamina are back to normal. I still have some moments were things just tucker me out though, so would say I'm about 95% back. One thing that I have noticed is that the chemo has affected my ability to thermo regulate. I used to never be the one cold or have an issue. But now I find myself chilled a fair bit more and have to watch for that, will be interesting to see if this is a long term thing or short term (gotta remember to talk to Dr. Heyer about this!) So now time to start looking at closing that gap over the next few months and getting back to 100%

I'm back to coaching softball for Shannon's team and helping out with Ashley's team as able. This is always a busy time for us, with both girls playing we have softball 5 nights a week and then on Saturdays. Broken down that's 2 practices, 2 games, pitching/catching clinic and then the Saturday games. So needless to say between work and softball, along with a few other activities I am flat out like a lizard drinking.

It is also interesting to me how, having been through this ordeal, I find myself giving more time/energy towards events that are geared towards educating about and eradicating cancer. Am working with the American Cancer Society again in 2010 for Relay for Life, and have seen/participated in events for Leukemia/Lymphoma Society as well. Funny how coming to the edge and looking in the abyss, one gains a whole new perspective and priority!

Will try to post back at least monthly and feel free to give me a shout out if I start slacking again!

Settling back in

Well things are starting to settle back to a dull roar.

With the girls gone to CA for 3 weeks, Marnie and I have been playing catch up on everything and getting there!

Got out for a 20 mi bicycle ride on Sunday and was surprised that I was able to go the whole way, without being in agony. A little butt sore the next couple days from the seat, but otherwise was a great ride.

We are getting ready for our little get away before the girls get back, going to head down to VA Beach for the State Motorcycle Rally. That will be a blast, hopefully we have a good turn out. Then girls get back and back into the routine.

Hope all are doing well, things here are getting back on track!

Out with the old..

Well let's see the last couple weeks have been good, the weather here in VA has been so mild, gotten time out on the bike and enjoyed it as well. We have been busy with Swim Team and Ashley is have a good year and enjoying herself, Shannon decided not to swim and has been a good cheerleader from the side of the pool!

Got my medi-port removed on Tuesday July 14th, what a way to celebrate Bastille Day! Our neighbor Diana, went with me, so that Marnie didn't have to take any more time off from work. Everything went well and they even gave me the port, so I could show the girls. Will take a couple photos and add them here later tonight. Was out of it most of Tuesday from the sedation & drugs. But then went cold turkey yesterday and just took it easy working from home. Back in the office today and the incision site is still a little swollen and sore, but getting there slowly. Have to be careful how I move my right arm and neck, but otherwise everything is good.

The bummer about this is that I can't ride for 10 days until the incision heals up, and we are having this great weather! But a small price to pay for having the port out of me. I had a constant bruise around it, that appears to be dissipating finally, and think that there could have been a little leakage from the vein were the tube was inserted. But all is removed and closed up now, so things are healing and I'm feeling better.

Next scheduled scan is end of August and I got the results of my last blood work today with everything looking normal, they checked the levels of the tumor markers and they are normal as well. Seems like things are settling back to normal all around, and once the port incision heals can get back to working out and running with Marnie!

Couldn't have done this without the thoughts, support, prayers and myriad of other things that everyone has done for me and the family.

YA'LL ROCK!!

Watch & Wait begins...

Well back from seeing the Oncologist and we are now officially in the watch and wait mode!

We looked through the results of the PET scan and there was no indication of increased metabolic activity from the area of the metastic tumor by kidney. This would say that the mass left is fibrotic (dead) tissue and thus NO surgery is necessary at this time! WOOO HOOO!

They did see a bright spot on the right side of my neck in one of my lymph nodes. But when this type of testicular cancer (seminoma) spreads, it goes to the chest first (which is clear) and then to the LEFT side of the neck. So it appears to be totally unrelated to my cancer (could be from my port on the right side, or a cold) however, will continue to watch that closely. Additionally when felt it was tender to the touch, a sign of inflammation. A cancerous lymph node is usually swollen but not tender to the touch.

Speaking of ports.. get my Medi-port out in less than two weeks, on 7/14, so that could resolve the whole lymph node thing too. Have my next CT scan at the end of August and they will do an additional scan of my neck to just make sure that there is nothing going on there. Otherwise it will be alternating CT scans and PET scans for the rest of this year, about 2-3 months apart.

Will be good to get the port out though...

Well off to enjoy a nice ride and do a little celebration of what was the best news possible at this point in time!

Schools Out

Well it's the end of another school year and big changes are in store for the Gaffey's in the fall. Shannon moves to Herndon Middle School to start 7th grade and Ashley will be back at Clearview heading into 4th.

With the end of school, the pool is now open full time and Ashley is swimming on the community swim team again this year (Shannon opted out.) So we had our first couple meets this past week. Marnie is doing her thing scoring again and I've become the unofficial team photographer and well as the loud parent cheering on his daughter! LOL

Had a wonderful Father's day with family and friends all around. Marnie, the girls and I rode out to pizza with 13 other motorcycles and had a great day. The weather threatened rain, but was just a blustery wind and overcast. It was a nice 80 miles of riding, pizza and ice cream for everyone. And a very relaxing afternoon before heading off to play softball. It has been good getting back on the field myself and helping out my friends team. Hopefully get picked up full time in the Fall or next Spring!

Had the PET scan yesterday, that wasn't bad at all, just was like a meat locker in the scanning room..brrrrr. I was cold for a good hour afterwards and even Marnie commented that's unusual for me! So now we are waiting to go see Dr. Heyer next Thursday July 2 and see were we go from here.

Thanks to all for the continuing, thoughts, prayers, support, encouragement and all that you do!

Relay for Life

So this past weekend was our local Relay for Life, which I participated in for the first time. I joined the Clearview Elementary team (Ashley & Shannon's school) at their request, and only afterwards did I find out that BOTH of Shannon's 5th grade teachers were also Cancer Survivors!

We had a great day on Saturday with the entire Clearview team walk/running to raise money for fight against Cancer. Not only was it Marnie & myself out there, but both Shannon and Ashley got into the swing of things themselves! They each walked/ran over 8 miles .. and had a good time doing it! There were so many other kids out there, friends from school supporting other teams, people from softball, around the community it was truly awesome seeing the whole Herndon community come together for this event.

Saturday night was a bit wet and we didn't make it through the night, went home got a few hours of sleep and came back early with donuts & coffee for those from our team who kept the baton going through the night! The girls wanted to spend the night, but this being our first year and me still not up to snuff, we weren't ready. Next year however, we are there for the haul, and look forward to seeing ya'll out there with us, one way or another!

At this point, thanks to the many generous contributions we crushed my goal raising $3,285, the Clearview Team has almost double their goal raising $6,898 and the entire Herndon Relay for Life had 787 participants, raising $183,945. It was truly an awe inspiring event just as a person, let alone as a cancer survivor!

Special thanks to those who did come and walk with me during the event, your presence lifted my spirits and lightened my load. I am truly blessed to have people like you in my life and words alone can't express the Thanks and emotions that I feel. Hope to see you all out there again next year!

Playing the waiting game.

Well things are getting back to normal around here.

My blood chemistry is almost all back in the normal range, so that is a great start! I'm back in the office full days again. And back active all around, slowly getting back that strength and stamina though, some days I'm just knackered.

Started playing Men's softball again as a sub for a friends team and that is going well, a little rusty but was great to get back out on the field again! In an ironic twist of fate, the team I'm now playing for was the team I last played against 3 years ago before my shoulder surgery!

Things at home are busier than all get out, end of the girls softball season, start of swim season (for Ashley), end of school year, Shannon graduating from elementary school, Marn doing a little more traveling now that I'm getting healthy again, and of course we are out riding the motorcycles now that the weather is getting nice!

Everything with regards to the big "C" is on hold right now.. waiting for the PET scan which is scheduled for Jan 24th. This will tell us if the remaining mass is metabolically active. The hope is that what's left on the CT scans after the Chemotherapy is just fibrous tissue or "scar tissue", if that's the case, then into watching mode for the next few years. However if the remaining mass shows as metabolically active in the PET scan, then I will be having surgery to remove the remaining tumor and then we go into the watching mode. Very hopeful that another surgery is NOT required, as that will take a couple weeks to recover from, given the location of the metastatic tumor in me.

Follow with the Oncologist is scheduled for July 2, so just weekly blood work between now and then, keeping an eye on things, had my medi-port flushed out last week and am so ready to have that removed!! But alas until we are sure things are done, it remains buried in me, just in case.

Visit with the Dr

Sorry if I freaked a few of you out, got caught up with getting ready for Rolling Thunder and didn't get to posting here! Well after recovering from a weekend of riding the motorcycle and spending time with a couple hundred of our close SCRC friends, back to business.

Saw Dr. Heyer on Thursday and he confirmed what I saw on the CT scans, the chemotherapy shrunk the tumor over 60%! And he was overall happy with the results and my tumor markers in my blood are all back to a normal level.

What they can't tell at this point is if the remaining tissue is just 'scar tissue' or it is still metabolically active (ie still a viable tumor and growing) Based on previous studies less than 25% of the time is the tumor still alive. So to determine if this is the case, I'm going to have a PET scan (Positron Emission Tomography) at the end of June. With the help of a tagged sugar, this scan determines if the area is still highly active (indicative of cancer)

If the PET scan comes back as normal, then we are into the watch mode following treatment that can go on for 3-4 years. If the PET scan comes back with the tumor as still alive/active, then I have surgery to remove the residual mass (now possible due to being post chemo and the size of the remaining mass)

So right now just getting back on with life, softball is winding down, school ends in a couple weeks and Shannon will be graduating to Middle School! Working at least half time in the office, and slowly increasing that over the coming weeks. But taking it slow as I regain my strength and stamina.

Not the ideal outcome from the Doctor's visit, would have loved to hear that the tumor was all gone! But better than it's still the same and chemo had no effect on the tumor.. YIKES... that would have sucked! So we are just trying to put this on the back burner and keep busy with life, family, friends, work, etc. We'll see what happens come the end of June. Will keep writing here every week or so, keeping ya'll up to date.

Your thoughts, prayers, and everything else has certainly been invaluable and I can't express enough what it has meant to not only myself but Marnie. We are still in awe of all the support that we have received from all corners of our lives, you guys ROCK!!

Catching back up

Wow been almost 2 weeks since I last blogged here, sorry for falling off the wagon. Let me update you on the happenings since I last posted.

So had the last chemo on Tuesday May 5th, and found out that I was pretty anemic. That would explain why I had mentally felt good the week before, but was so physically exhausted. I was unable to do a lot and was resting with morning and afternoon naps because my body wasn't getting enough oxygen.

Dr. Heyer said we could do nothing and it would take me 6 to 8 weeks to recover, or I could have an infusion of 2 units of blood and that put some pep in my step. Well that was pretty much a no brainer! So spent 6 hours on Wed May 6th getting infused with 2 units of whole blood. Took a couple days and then I was raring to go. Some folks who saw me before and then a couple days after the infusion said it was like two different people! The bags were gone from under my eyes, my skin tone went from Chemo Grey to normal and I looked all around more healthy.

Since then I have been trying to get out of the house, now that I don't get exhausted so easily. Been working half days in the office last week and this week, and jumped back into coaching softball. Keeping busy and trying to keep my mind busy and feeling good to be out and about again! Had a nice long walk yesterday with Shannon (riding her scooter!) and after this weekend will start some light weight lifting again.

Went for my CT scans on Monday May 18th (Chest, Abdomen, and Pelvis) it was a quick in and out for the scans, which was nice, although I felt the contrast throughout my body the rest of the day. It has been hard with waiting for the results, all sorts of thoughts going through my mind and I have been trying to keep my mind busy with other things, yet it seems to swing back around to here again and again. Been hard to communicate and that is a primary reason why I haven't blogged in so long.

See Dr. Heyer again on the afternoon of Thursday May 21st and will get the results of the CT scans then as well as the next course of action. This being in limbo is driving me batty!

Will post here tomorrow evening and let you all know what happens...

I'm going to Relay for Life

Well as the Chemo is winding down, I'm starting to feel normal, just get tired out way to easily! Got out to work for a bit on Friday and it was good to be out of the house, doing some things. It was great to see faces and not the four walls of the house! Here's a photo that was taken by a co-worker while I was at the office.



Saturday, I got out to Shannon's softball game and sat on the bench (well mostly! LOL) and helped coach for the first time this season. The girls were excited to see me out there and I was really enjoying being there, watching them play ball and improve. I miss this and look forward to getting back to coaching soon! However, it certainly takes a lot out of me, had a two hour nap that afternoon.. LOL Then went over to a friends for a nice relaxing evening of poker.

So, Thursday afternoon I was down at the girl's school and found out that Shannon's teacher from last year (Whitney Cook) is also a Cancer Survivor, along with several other faculty and staff from Clearview Elementary. They invited me to join their team and walk with them in the Relay for Life. I was honored and agreed to participate.

I'm wanted to let you know about this decision I have made and ask you to again support me in my continued fight against this insidious disease. It would be great to make a big contribution and hope that you will consider assisting me in this endeavor! You can help out by visiting the link below:


http://main.acsevents.org/goto/rogmon

If you would like to come out in person and be a part of the actual Relay for Life activities, here are the details:

Where: Herndon High School
When: Saturday, June 13, 2009
Time: 1:30 p.m. until 8:00 a.m. Sunday morning (Luminary lighting 9:00 p.m.)
Location: 700 Bennett St
Herndon, VA 20170

I'm still in awe of all that so many have done and continue to do as I battle the Cancer that invaded my body. We talk about friends and being there for one another, well if there were ever any doubts in my mind, they were eradicated as I have watched and received so much support, thoughts, prayers and help from people near and afar! I am honored, shocked, humbled and truly appreciate what you all have done to support not only me, but Marnie and girls during this challenging time in our lives.

And then there was one

Well the 5 days of Cisplatin, really whacked me good this go around. Finally feeling human again, and am hopeful that I never have to get Cisplatin again!

Lung function test on Monday was good, the results were better than the previous one, so that meant I got the Bleomycin yesterday.

My body really hates Bleo.. a hard night last night only got a couple hours sleep with the Chills so bad, Marnie was holding me tight, fever and my body resetting. Today has been blah with recovering from last night, feeling drained, tired, sore from everything.

So just taking it easy and resting. My plan is to get some time in the office tomorrow and Friday depending upon how I feel. Hope to be able to attend a Relay for Life event on Saturday.

Speaking of which.. if you haven't already seen, go to my Facebook page and look at the photo of what my High School Friends did for me out in Oceanside, CA. I'm truly at a loss for words.. still! And just in awe of all that everyone has done/is doing for me, Marnie and the girls.

Ya'll rock!!

Only a few more left

Well this week is almost over, just tomorrow's treatment and then one Tuesday and the following Tuesday, hopefully that is it!

As usual, this first week of the cycle has taken it's toll upon me, mentally and physically. My gut has been in turmoil, sleep compromised with battling gut and the medication they are giving me to make me pee a lot, but healthy kidneys are a good thing! Am looking forward to getting this out of my system this weekend and back to a 'normal' schedule. LOL.. but nothing has been normal for a while!

There was some concern on Tuesday as my lung function test came back and there was a slight decrease noted there. Dr. Heyer sent me for a chest X-ray first thing that morning and didn't see anything there, so he went out himself and recalculated the lung function test and thinks that when they did the calculations for the lung function they made a mistake. But heck, better to be safe than sorry. Really like how Dr. Heyer and Staff all around trying to whack the cancer, but not cause any other problems along the way and are being aggressive about keeping an eye on these other side effects.

So this means I get to have ANOTHER lung function test on Monday, last thing they want to do is have the Bleomycin damage my lungs. Otherwise been a mostly uneventful week thus far just working while getting Chemotherapy pumped into me.

On the upside only a few more treatments left, have a date for the follow-up CT scans to evaluate the effectiveness of the treatment. I will be having CT Chest, Abdomen & Pelvis on Monday May 18th. Given the Bleomycin, Dr. Heyer wants to have a good look at my chest/lungs to make sure things are good. I imagine that I'll be meeting with him later that week or early the following week to discuss the results and were we go from here, based on the CT scans.

Please keep the thoughts and prayers coming.. they are doing wonders. Can't wait to get started healing from the bashing my body has been taking from the Chemo!!

Once more into the breach..

Well it has been a busy time this past week, got a little excited at feeling mostly normal and pushed things a bit too far. But ah slept a LOT making up for that.

So the Bleomycin continues to be just nasty, when ever I get that drug, I pretty much have a fever of 100.3 and feel like doing nothing that evening. Then Wednesday morning is the tiredness from the fever. Finally about Wednesday afternoon start feeling normal again. This time around though it came with a splitting headache that kept me in bed were the room was nice and dark, until it finally passed.

Thursday was off for the PFT, huffing and puffing into the machine. Had the same tech as before and it was a shorter test than the initial one, so that was cool. Got into the office and spent some time catching up on stuff there. Very much needed and was good to be out and about.

Friday was another day in the office.. but can I just say I'm tired of being tired!! I mean all I did was carrying a couple dozen donuts from the car into work and I was exhausted! Collapsed into my chair and took me a bit to recover. That is the most frustrating thing and can never tell what is going to tire me out!

Well Saturday morning was feeling my oats.. so heck it was off to Opening Day Ceremonies for the girls softball league, jogging in from the field with the girls sure got my legs sore and elevated my heart rate though! LOL Came home, had a rest then rode the motorcycles out to the 2nd Annual Club Days at Loudoun Motorsports. Again our chapter had the most people show up, we won first prize and promptly donated the proceeds to charity, way cool! From here we zipped home, collect Mom and went to Ashley's first game of the season. Both Marnie and I forgot to apply the suntan lotion to ourselves (remembered the girls though!) and got some nice red arms from sitting at the game. But what a beautiful day out, with the girls playing ball.

Came home and between the activities and the sun was wiped out.. had some friends come by for dinner and for a while I wasn't much company as I was just feeling blah from everything all day long. Ate some dinner and was in bed by 8pm, dozed and then crashed around 11... slept a good 9 hours.

Sunday morning Marnie and Ashely were off to church and I got Shannon to go outside with Grandma and do some gardening/yard work with every intention of joining them.. really!! But instead laid down on the couch and slept for another 3 hours! Woke to find a couple friends over helping Marnie with stuff around the yard.. that still is so cool that everyone does come and do what ever! Puttered around the garage for a while, cleaned up a bit and did a little work on the bike. We decided a night out while I was feeling decent was in order, so we all went out to dinner at Applebee's.

After about 5 hours of good sleep and a couple hours of tossing and turning here I am writing and very much NOT looking forward to the next 5 days! But this is the last big push, I can do this and then just have a couple more Bleo days left.

Don't know how we could have made it this far with out help from my Mother who has been here since I started Chemotherapy. She has been invaluable helping out around the house, with the girls and keeping Marnie company when I have been in la la land from the Chemo! She is staying through Sunday to help with this last push and then heading back to California to get back to her life, horses and Dad! Thanks so much to the both of you for all that you have done for us during this challenging time!

Thanks also to everyone else out there who continues to support us in all ways, manners and fashions! Your efforts aren't unnoticed.. and they are very appreciated!

2/3 of the way...

Well I realize that I have been absent from here for a while. The reaction to the compazine really threw me for a loop.

I have found that with the decreased amount of hemoglobin (the stuff in your blood that takes the oxygen from your lungs to your cells) I tire out all to easy. The mind is willing but the body is certainly letting me down these days. The neuprogen is working and keeping my white blood cells stimulated and elevated. The downside of that is that after about 3 days on neuprogen, I get a night of back spasms that is just not fun. It is a worth while trade off though.

Sure must have been a bummer of a vacation for my younger sister to come visit and me so lethargic. This had been planned before I was diagnosed, and was glad to she came even though I wasn't the life of the party. She got out with Marnie and the girls to do some things and was certainly great to have her here during this challenging time.

Have managed to get out for a few things, went to a Birthday party this past weekend and am hoping to make the girls opening softball games later this week. Will try to be better about writing here in these last few weeks.

The last big push starts next week, and while not looking forward to that, will be nice to have that done and behind me. They are already looking at dates for the scans at the end of treatments. I have another pulmonary function test on Thursday and thus far things are looking good with the lungs. Will have one more after I finish the third round as well as another CT of the abdomen and pelvis to determine how much the chemo has attacked the tumor. On the upside of all this is that I found out today that the levels of LDH (tumor marker) are back to normal. This bodes well for things!!

It has been tough going but I am doing the best I can, some days are just days by day, and others better. Been just blah at times and all I can do to log on and work. I am doing good, spirits are up and am going forward, fighting and not letting this crap get me down. Continue to appreciate all that everyone out there is doing from the food, to errands, to thoughts, prayers and helping out.

Sore and tired

Well hello there...

Been a while I know, but things continue to progress and I'm still fighting the fight!

So the first part of last week wasn't too bad, things moved along and by body was doing ok with the chemo. Then Thursday and Friday my GI tract really was giving me fits from the chemo. It was a miserable couple days as the nausea really hit me for the first time and that was just yucky. Never puked, but my mid section was in total rebellion.

Top that off with a drug reaction on Friday (apparently IV Compazine and I don't along!) and the last few days have been a few of the hardest so far. I really had a hard time Friday/Saturday after that and I think it took a lot out of me.

I am really tired, lethargic, and sore still today from the last few days. Yesterday was a bright spot in that folks from our motorcycle club came by and spread, mulch, did spring pruning, etc for us. It was good to see everyone and what they did was so appreciated.

I'm fading out already from focusing to write this, it's like after a bad bout with the flu when you just can't comfortable, are sore all over, and simply walking downstairs makes you tired. I'm so done with this!! Wish it were through already.

Only a few more weeks to go.. and only one more really challenging week, so now I'm resting and getting ready for that last push in a couple weeks.

Start of Round 2 of Chemo Therapy

After getting home, was still battling the on going fever. It seems that it was a viral thing, as the antibiotics were in control of any bacterial issues. Spent most of Saturday just chilling, relaxing and napping; saving my strength for that evening. On Saturday evening, dressed up and escorted Shannon and Ashley to their annual Girl Scout Daddy/Daughter dance. It was good to get out of the house and the girls really were excited that Daddy was able to take them to the dance. We had a good time, had some nice dances with both of them, got some photos and those will up on Facebook shortly.

Sunday was again relaxing and then got out for a bit and then ran a couple softball errands during the day, again nice to be out the house. Feeling better and getting a bit tired of left overs we decided to head out for dinner. Headed over to Buffalo Wing Factory for some wings and watch a little NCAA and golf. Another nice respite and was starting to feel back to normal, but tired.

Sleeping has been a challenge, I sleep in about a 4 hour block and then it is on and off each hour, so that has been tiring me out. Not to mention fighting what ever has been bothering me and sweating like a stuck pig each night, would really enjoy a regular nights sleep.

Today Marnie woke feeling like crap, she had a fever and head cold that had her feeling pretty miserable. She ended up going back to sleep and I got the girls ready for school and then headed over to the infusion center to start Round 2 of Chemo. Had some good news when they did my blood work, my WBC's have gone from 1,400 cells/microliter on Friday up to 26,400 cells/microliter this morning and more specifically the neutrophils are up over 18,000 cells/microliter. Both of those numbers are way over normal, so right now my Immune system is in overdrive. This is the result of the Neuprogen doing it's job! So that was really encouraging. Talked with the Doctor for a bit and he was encourged as well and wanted me to keep working the Neuprogen in to things as possible (can't take Neuprogen 24 hours before or after chemo), so as able will be taking the Neuprogen in the coming weeks to prevent a repeat visit to the hospital!

Wasn't looking forward to another week like week 1, and had a head ache myself this morning. After they got things flowing this morning, some Tylenol helped with the head ache and then by this afternoon was feeling much better. Was actually feeling decent and ran a couple errands with my mother. As one of the oncology nurses put it, seems like my body is getting 'used' to the Chemo and it's not affecting me as adversely as it did the first time. Hoping this trend continues and I continue to do better than before.

Thank to everyone for the continued thoughts and prayers, they certainly seem to be working and are very appreciated from one and all!

Back home.. finally!

Well back home, now..so let me close out this week and bring you up to speed.

Pretty much spent the last 3 days in the hospital bed with an on again, off again fever. At times I would feel pretty much normal, and then there were times when it would spike back up to 102.6 and I was fighting the chills, only to be dripping wet with sweat an hour later.

My Immune system was still crashed out on Wed with only 800 cell/microliter. And I got my first Neupogen injection on Wednesday. For those not aware, Neupogen is the commercial name for Filgrastim, which is a human granulocyte colony-stimulating factor (G-CSF), produced by recombinant DNA technology. G-CSF is is a colony-stimulating factor hormone, naturally produced in the body. It is a glycoprotein, growth factor or cytokine produced by a number of different tissues to stimulate the bone marrow to produce granulocytes and stem cells. G-CSF then stimulates the bone marrow to release them into the blood. It also stimulates the survival, proliferation, differentiation, and function of neutrophil precursors and mature neutrophils.

So why is this important.. because neutrophils are a key component of your bodies first line of defense against any infection. They are very quick responders and non specific (ie they don't care what it is, they will fight and attack any foreign cell, bacteria, virus, etc.) Later your T & B cells (Lymphocytes) get involved and produced specific antibodies against specific infections, but the neutrophils are almost always the first responders and a key ingredient in how your Immune System functions and protects you. Ok.. schools out for this post now *wink*

Suffice to say that my neutrophils were non existent when I was admitted. By Thursday morning my WBC count was up to 1400 cells/microliter, but the neutrophils were woefully absent, and the fever was still present, so I won the trifecta and had a third night in the hospital! Thursday also brought my lung function test and trip by wheel chair downstairs to the respiratory unit. Got to breath into the machine for about 30 minutes while they assessed how my lungs are doing. This is because the Bleomycin can cause a decrease in lung function, so they are keeping a close eye on things. Was good to get out the room for a bit, although have to say, after laying around for a few days, all that heavy breathing for the test sure made my diaphragm and other chest muscles sore, guess I need more practice with the heavy breathing! LOL Actually had some visitors on Thursday and it was great to have people come by and break the monotony of the hospital. Marn & my Mom have been great about being there, bring the girls, so that could Daddy was all right and giving me some time alone. It was just the right mix and very much appreciate everyone who came by, brought food, helped out, etc.

Last night, was a miserable night, as I got hit by a common side effect of Neuprogen (muscle spasms up my back from butt to my head.) This was a very rhythmic and painful thing to endure. Luckily the nurses/Doctors were on top of this and gave me some pain killers and muscle relaxers, and I got about 5-6 hours of good sleep, Marnie came to the hospital and spent the night with me. Someone mentioned taking ibuprofen, I can't take any NSAID's (non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs) like Ibuprofen or Aleve (naproxen) because in my body they depress my platelets which are already low. So for me it's Tylenol (acetaminophen) or stronger drugs for pain management.

This morning my fever was gone, my WBC's were still climbing and some granulocytes (neutrophils) present again in my cell counts. So the Doctor released me and I came home were I watched a couple movies, had a most relaxing/refreshing bath to get rid of 4 days of hospital sweat, grime and funk! LOL Further proof that the chemo is working on killing things, has been my facial hair growth has slowed to almost nil, and today in the bath, left lots of hair from below in the tub, so my hair is starting to fall out! That was strange to see, and Marnie and I had a good laugh about things! Then I had a great 3 hour nap and dinner that Dave brought by this evening.

So someone asked how I'm doing emotionally/mentally with all this.. as they said my blog was more what was happening and seemed to be lacking the emotions at times. Well being admitted to the hospital scared me for sure and last night was miserable with the pain and muscle cramps. But over all I'm doing ok, I am just going day by day and trying to find the positive in all the stuff that is going on. I have had my moments of despair, tears and I'm lucky that Marnie has been there to hold me. Some else asked why I was not angry about all this.. and my simple answer is, while I have at moments expressed my frustration/even anger, my overall reaction to most things in life, is that energy is better spent in a more positive manner, especially when my energy is low. This is one of those that, that I could just waste energy being angry about.. or accept that it is what it is and move along using that energy to fight and over come this disease.

And thus it's back into the breach we go! Have a couple days to rest up and then start Round 2 of Chemo Therapy on Monday. Am glad to be home and thank everyone for what they have/continue to do for me during this time.

Crash and burn

Howdy intrepid readers, it is late on Tuesday evening and I write from a not so pleasant place, but more on that in a moment.

Monday started off with a stay at home morning and then took my sister to the airport for her flight home. It was really good to see her and have here for a bit. My younger sister was already planning on visiting us during Spring Break, so will see her in a couple weeks. Got into the office and work a good half day from there, was good to start getting back to normal. That afternoon was softball practice, and seems like I have a really good team this year and looking forward to working with them over the coming months and seeing them improve.

So I know this is hitting me because, even with two shirts and jacket I was cold by the time practice was over. Got home, at dinner and then went to bed early with a bit of the chills. Now looking back this was a precursor of what was to come. Slept like crap in couple hour bursts and not a very restful sleep.

Tuesday started off ok, my eyes were 'burning' a bit today and I thought this was due to just a bad nights sleep. Got off to the office and worked there until I headed over for my chemo treatment this afternoon. Actually ate well during the day and other things aside, felt much better this go around than last Tuesday when I got the Bleomycin. But I get ahead of myself here, when I arrived they took my blood to check my cell levels and tumor markers as they do every week. Well my White Blood Cell count went from 4,000 cells/microliter from last Tuesday (the bottom of the reference range) to 1,000 cells/microliter today. Also my temperature was a bit elevated (99.6) To be sure they did the cell counts twice from two different sites. Knew this might happen, but didn't expect it to crash out so fast and low. By the time I left my temp was down to 98.8 so they weren't as concerned about me.

So what does this mean... well it means that I get to start injecting myself with Neuprogen (this is a drug that boosts the immune system and causes your body to start making more WBC's. We were hoping to not need this, but always knew it was possibility if the counts got low. The problem is that I can't take Neuprogen 24 hours before or after a Chemo treatment. So have to try and squeeze in during the weekly treatments of weeks 2 & 3 of each cycle. Ok so that wasn't too bad, knew this was a possibility, and it just means a boost to the immune system and that I don't have to worry about getting an opportunistic infection while my immune systems is depressed. Also this tell me that the Chemo is WORKING!! It's killing those fast growing cells and means that it should also be doing a number on the tumor in me. So there's the silver lining in this cloud... a very tangible sign that the drugs are doing their job (besides making me feel ill!!) LOL!

Got home and actually wanted some food, my mom made me some rice and it was good, had some water and was feeling ok. As I said much better than last week when I got the Bleomyicn. Around 4:30 started getting cool again like I did last night, and went and laid by the fire. Took my temperature and it was 100.3, well this crossed the magic threshold and I was under instructions to call the Doctor if I ever hit triple digits. So a call into the Dr and the person on call was Dr. Felice (he was our friend Carol's primary doctor) and while talking with him after he consulted my chart and talked to Dr. Heyer and called me back, my temp got to 101.6. This concerned them because with the low WBC counts and a fever, I could be going neutropenic and the fever would shut down what remains of my immune system leaving me vulnerable to opportunistic infections or worse. Dr. Felice wanted me in the hospital so that they could hit me with IV antibiotics to combat the fever and be pro-active and aggressive, so that I didn't end up really crashing. So off Marnie and I went to Reston Hospital, and they quickly had me upstairs in a bed (gotta love it when the Doc calls ahead and gets you pre-admitted)

Within 1 hour and 45 minutes after talking to Dr. Felice on the phone, I was in a private room, had an IV flowing, all blood work taken and just waiting for the antibiotics to come up from the pharmacy. Talk about fast! Well the fever spike to about 102.6 during this time and I still had the chills and couldn't get warm for a while. Also my labs came back and WBC's had dropped to 800 cells/microliter. Finally got the IV antibiotics and within a couple hours the fever was back down to 100.6, so they were doing their job! Dr. Felice actually came by the hospital and talked with us for a good 30 minutes. He is another great Doctor and I would be just as comfortable with him caring for me, as Dr. Heyer, now I know what Bill (Carol's husband) was talking about when he said the entire practice is really good!

At this point, am sweating again, have had no problems with fluids and peeing just fine. So if the fever abates tomorrow Dr. Felice indicated they would release me, otherwise they want me to stay so that they can monitor me. Also they want to see my WBC count start climbing and tomorrow if I'm still here or at home, I start with the Neupogen shots to kick my Immune System into high gear.

Well I'm sure some of you are yelling at me for not being asleep by now (yes Mother!) but I did doze on and off a bit earlier, not really tired, but starting to get droopy eyed now. So will sign off, turn off the lights and try and get some sleep. Please keep Marnie, Shannon, Ashley and the rest of my family in your thoughts and prayers as they deal with this little road bump. As well I could use a few thoughts and prayers myself... thanks one and all!!

Lows and Highs

Well the last few days have been a real roller coaster ride, with some real lows and highs.

Friday was a good day, got into the office and was good to spend time at work, getting caught up on a few things, seeing people and just getting back into the flow. A pretty regular day, still find I lack the energy and that can be frustrating at times. But dealing with it and just listening to my body and taking time out for rest as needed, so that I can keep healing. Had a fitful nights sleep in blocks, most odd, but my mind was already thinking about Saturday.

Saturday was a very low day.. perhaps the lowest I have been in a long time. Our good friend and neighbor across the street lost her battle with Cancer earlier this week and Saturday morning was the service and funeral. Carol had lung cancer, was being seen at the same practice I go too, and had been battling this disease for over a year and half now. Carol was such an influence on how one can have dignity and be positive even in the face of this devastating disease. She leaves behind her loving husband of more than 40 years Bill, 4 children and 3 grandchildren. I really struggled to hold it together during the events that morning, I am still at a loss to explain how it has made me feel, how I still grieve for her and I try to deal with own battle.

The day took a much brighter note when my older sister flew in from Kansas. The last time I saw her was Christmas '07, so it has been great to sit, chat and spend time with her these last couple days. Our neighbors came over and we had a BBQ last night, and it just so down home, family and relaxing. Some much needed recovery/distraction after the emotionally charged events of this week, earlier in the day.

Still seem to be sleeping in about 4 hour blocks, and that held true last night. This morning we just had a late brunch, went out to the mall and did some shopping, but mainly just time out from the house! Had a nice lunch at Macaroni Grill, and came home. Marnie, Ashley and I then took the motorcycles out for a couple hours and enjoyed some much needed time in the saddle with the wind in my face! It was around 60 degrees, just right with the layers on, and was really comfortable and refreshing. My Mom made some great chili for dinner and it was again just a down home family meal. Having them around this weekend, has been so good for my spirits and I'm just thankful they were able to be here with us. My sister leaves tomorrow, but my Mom is staying through the start of my 3 round of Chemo to help around the house with the girls, things and me ;-) LOL!!

I'm pretty tired after being on the go most of the day with no nap even, so getting back to normal ( if you can ever call me normal! LOL) and hope that a good solid nights sleep is in the cards! Back to work this week as I finish Round 1 with my treatment this coming Tuesday, and then start Round 2 next week.

My thanks for all the continuing thoughts, prayers, offers and help that everyone has put forth and contributed. You continue to awe and inspire me, I am blessed by all that you do, I am in your debt.

Getting the strength back.... slowly!

Was reminded by a couple of comments by people today, that I have been a bit remiss in keeping up here, so here we go!

Monday finished out well for the most part, and Tuesday morning was good, started feeling pretty normal and was really looking forward to later that evening. Yes as an Irish man this was going to be a hard St. Patrick's Day, cause I couldn't have a wee drop! But still was looking to getting out to the club social and enjoying time spent with friends. However, it didn't turn out as expected; because the Chemo treatment that afternoon (weekly Bleomycin dosage) really whacked me hard. I was pretty much reduced to sitting in a chair feeling lethargic and ended the evening with the chills and crashed out.

Woke up on Wednesday very tired as I didn't sleep well at all, but feeling better as my body had processed out most of the Bleo. Was pretty much reduced to laying around most of the day and recovering from Tuesday's chemo. Lots of fluids during the day helped, ate well and by that evening was feeling more up to speed. Worked out well, I was able to make it to our first Softball Practice (this is the 12U team that I coach) This was just a short informational practice, and one of my assistants worked the girls, while I chatted with the parents. Have several returning players who aged up, some new players from other teams and even a girl new to playing softball. Seems like a good mix and I look forward to evaluating the girls and find them positions and getting some skills developed. Turns out one of my new parents is 2 years out from Hodgkin's Lymphoma, it's a small world, had a nice chat with her.

Was tired when I got home, but in a good way for getting out of the house and being active. Had a fantastic dinner delivered by the Cooksey's (one of my softball parents), which really hit the spot! Slept pretty good last night too. This morning felt good after a decent nights sleep and then it was off to school to watch Ashley in her 3rd Grade Musical, it was a good performance and Ashley even had a speaking role! She was excited and was good to be able to be there for her. Afterwards, Marnie and headed over to longtime friend who just opened his own CPA firm after a couple decades of working for others. So he is going to be our new accountant and we are really happy to be helping him out as he starts his own business!

Each day now seems to be building on the previous, feeling a bit better and more normal, but still tire out more easily and faster than I anticipate. Was going to try and get to the office this afternoon, but this mornings activities pretty much wiped me out, had a bit of nap, and afternoon of rest with a roaring fire while working from home. So off to work tomorrow and then hopefully will be able to put in a good week there next week too!

What a weekend!

Well it has been a long weekend, and still feeling the effects of everything.

The combo of 5 days of drugs finally starting doing their job on Friday evening and the first area that they attacked was the GI tract (digestive) due to the fact that these fast growing cells are thinner/smaller, they are more quickly affected by the drugs. No real nausea, just felt like someone was constantly punching, kicking and trying to rip my whole abdominal area out from the inside! The upside to all this misery is that the drugs are also attacking the cancer, so while the gut hurts and aches, it will pass, leaving me cleansed.

Was pretty miserable most of Friday afternoon, all day Saturday and into Sunday morning. Started feeling better on Sunday. Course I imagine being able to eat substantially (hard to do when your stomach and gut are in turmoil!) would help things, been doing ok with small snacks every couple hours. And a few hours of real REM sleep would be nice too! Still feel the chemicals in my brain/head and that bothers me. I can feel my concentration go in and out at times. Or if I sit with my head unsupported for a bit.. can feel myself get dizzy and have to lean back.

Overall though, doing ok, pumping the fluids through me, my spirits are up, my mind is strong and willing, just need to get the strength back physically. Softball is starting up now and will be the Head Coach again for Shannon's team, I'm so lucky to have some great Assistants who are really picking up the slack while I solider through this ordeal. Can't wait to get back on the field, the bike, running, working out again!

People continue to amaze us, one of the families from Shannon's Girl Scout troop, heard about things and pop over on Friday with full blown meal out of the blue! Rice, nan, and a great Somalian dish that smelled lovely! Another friend was out yesterday and just stopped by, sat and chatted about various things for a hour or two, was a very welcomed break! We can't thank everyone enough who has supported us through thoughts, prayers, food, rides, offers, etc... You are all integral in making what could be a very trying time, more bearable and easier to navigate through, my thoughts and THANKS go out to everyone!

Finally got the REM sleep last night, slept almost 5 hours straight for the first time in over a week. WOO HOO! Had a nice couple pancakes this morning, and now sitting here trying to catch back up from this weekends haze.

Well the best intentions succumbed to the drugs...

I was trying to write daily, but man the Chemotherapy is sure sapping my energy. The other thing that I have really noticed is that my mental agility is diminished. I find it hard to focus on things for a period of time and that is frustrating. Feels like I have layers of fog to navigate through and it just hurts at time when I try to run things through my mind.

Ok so it's now Friday morning, last day of this first miserable week. Can we just say I have a greater sympathy for the pregnant ladies out there, I'm so tired of peeing every hour to two! So looking forward to next week, when I'm not on the diuretic and able to sleep through the night!

Have had some ups and downs, just finding what works for me during the days, with food to eat, how much, beverages, etc. It has been such a unique thing, as what works for others, some if it transfers, and other parts just are just vastly different.

Overall doing ok, though, my body is tired from this stuff that has been pumped into it all week long, and my mind is still numb. The biggest impact thus far besides the tiredness, has been my digestive tract and just controling the nauesa.

It has been a long week, looking forward to some good down time and recovery this weekend.

All the meals, thoughts and prayers have been so welcomed! It has truly been a god send and we really appreciate what everyone near and far has/is doing for us. You are in our thoughts

Day Two of Chemo

Well it has been an interesting time these last 24 hours.

This morning started off good, have noticed that I feel better in the mornings after my body has had a chance to process the drugs. I had a decent sleep last night, up and down with having to pee so much from the diuretic, but getting 2-3 hours of decent sleep in between bathroom trips. Marnie was off to work today, with Mom playing chauffeur today. We got there a bit early and by 9am I was hooked up and taking on fluids.

Today I got all 3 drugs for the first time during the treatment (this only happens twice more) and let's just say that adding that 3rd drug really kicked my ass! Don't know if it was the combo of the Bleomycin with the Cisplatin & Etoposide or what but I was feeling pretty miserable by this afternoon when we got home. Chills and some nausea (more than Monday, but not severe enough to take the additional meds.. YET!) This got better as the evening went along, and we had another great dinner delivered by Lydia. Top that off with a good friend who moved to Baltimore stopping by for a bit this evening and it was really a good evening.

Realized that while I ate smaller meals today, I didn't get a lot of protein in my diet, mainly carbs and wasn't as good on the water intake early in the day and later in the evening. Need to work on those things in the coming days/weeks, and try to get a bit more fruit in there too, been doing good with salads, so that's working. Also with feeling so miserable I didn't get any exercise in yesterday, it's going to be hard this week, but something to focus on during the two 'down' weeks of the cycle.

Early to bed tonight and would love to get a good nights sleep, but I know as long they are giving me the diuretic, I'll be up every 2-3 hours making head calls!

Thanks everyone for the continuing thoughts..you are in my thoughts as well!

p.s. well I apparently hit 'save now' instead of 'publish post' last night. So here it is at 5:30 am and I was right up a couple times to make head calls! Top that off with the battery in one of the kids toys on my dresser started dying and both Marnie and I were up at 3:00 am pulling the battery. She feel back to sleep around 4:30 I dozed a bit, but never got back to sleep. So here's yesterday's blog!

First day of Chemotherapy

Well Day One of Chemotherapy is coming to a crashing close.. but wanted to get some thoughts down before I sacked out. First is thanks for all the thoughts, prayers, emails, food, offers, etc that have poured out, especially the last couple days! Have tried to respond to them and I'm sure I missed some.... sorry! All of this concern, support and prayers continue to be highly appreciated, welcomed and desired.

Had a great full regular day on Sunday, a friend from out of town was visiting, so picked her up from the airport and she spent most of the day with us, before heading down to her hotel for training this coming week. We all went and met some people for an early Motorcycle planning breakfast at Amphora's, yummy food. Then the girls went bike riding with our good friends from softball that afternoon, my Mom flew in later in the afternoon and whew! It was a good day, just on the go and tired last night, slept in fits upstairs, but decent sleep.

This morning was a usual Monday rush to get the girls to school and me to Chemo. It was a long day of sitting around doing a whole lot of nothing! The staff was all very friendly, helpful and making the best of a challenging situation. They started me around 9am with the anti-nausea medication and we left around 4pm, this is due to them pushing a lot of fluids IV along with the chemo drugs, to avoid an kidney issues. Combine that with a diuretic, they gave me and I have been making frequent trips to the restroom all day long! LOL

Had a great dinner delivered tonight by the Rider's but dang if I didn't experience one of the general dealing with Cancer issues. They say to eat more smaller meals rather than the traditional 2-3 large ones. Well now know why.. felt like I had a brick in my gut from the large delicious meal. Forced me to get out and walk in the fresh air, to keep dinner down! So a good thing, everyone went walking, but I feel like I ran a 10K now! LOL In the future will have to make sure I eat smaller portions spread out to avoid a repeat, especially as the level of drugs increases over the course of treatment.

So all in all not a bad day.. very different, boring, tiring (even though I was just sitting around!) but the first major chemo day in the coming 9 weeks down and only 14 more to go! Tomorrow will be interesting with getting all 3 drugs.. so will try and write tomorrow night.

Impending start

Well we are down the point were I can start counting hours, not days until the start of Chemo on Monday morning. It has been a whirlwind of the last few days, so let me try and get you caught up.

Still sporting the Mr. Clean look, and getting lots of compliments! Thursday was good, only took Ibuprofen (have to switch to Tylenol this weekend, as Ibuprofen can lower your platlet count) for the pain from the Medi-port insertion and managed to have a pretty functional day at work. This was the one day this week that I didn't have any appointments, procedures or anything, so was an oddball day. Top that off with no evening activities and it was different, yet a much needed calm before the storm. Thursday evening, we had a great steak and potato dinner courtesy of the Bednarek's, have to make sure we the recipe for that peppercorn sauce it was fabulous! Thursday night was another night of fitful sleep, that's two nights in a row that I have slept like crap, think it's due to the medi-port.

Friday was up and getting things done for work before heading down to Fairfax Hospital for the Pulmonary Function test. Because one of the drugs that I will receive (Bleomycin) has a very known side effect of diminishing lung fuction, they wanted a baseline of pulmonary capabilities. It was a funky test, and reminded me of trying to teach students diving, as there is always a percentage who want to breath through their nose! LOL So this was all through mouth breathing, and the test went well. I will repeat this at the end of treatment to determine how the Bleomycin has affect my lungs (possibly another data point during treatment as well, will see how things go). Meet some friends at Sweetwater for a couple beers that afternoon and then came home. Marnie had been out with her girl friend for a drink too and we arrived home to a friend who just stopped by to say HI.. how cool was that?! Marnie was off to a Girl Scout PJ party with the girls and our neighbor came over to see my new look and ended up staying for a while. Diana and I just sat around talking and drinking for a while that evening and had a fabulous time.

For some reason Ashley was having bad dreams and ended up in bed with us Friday night, woke a couple hours later around midnight and got her into her own bed, but was awake. So not wanting to wake Marnie up, I went down to the trusty ole recliner and watched TV for a little bit, turned it off and got the best night sleep I've had in a couple days. Should have probably been sleeping in the recliner the last couple nights since they put the medi-port in!! Not only does it keep me from rolling over on my shoulder, but keeps my chest slightly elevated and that seems just right. Will be sacking out in the recliner again in just a bit! LOL

So after a great nights sleep was feeling my oats and with the weather cooperating, we decided to take advantage of the warm spring day and rode the motorcycles out to have breakfast this morning. Felt the vibrations in my shoulder, and am sore now from it, but dang it was great to be back on the bike! We split up after breakfast, as Marn & Ashley went to do cookie booth sales for Ashley's Girl Scout troop, Shannon and I went to try and get a new visor for her helmet (no luck!) but then enjoyed a longer ride home. Then it was over to Herndon High for softball skills for Shannon (thanks Courtney for taking her!) and I came along a bit later for a brief coaches meeting, ended up staying and working with some of the pitchers.

We headed home collected Marnie & Ashley and then headed down to Alli's Birthday Party in Manassas. Ok so was a bit sore from riding and working with the girls pitching, but got into the SUV, was moving the seat belt and it slipped from my hand coming smack across my shoulder full force! Let's just say that I won't repeat the words that poured from my lips! Quickly hit the bottle of ibuprofen and by the time we got to Alli's they were starting to kick in. Poor Greg forgot about my shoulder and gave me a good thump as a welcome that had me grabbing the counter for support! The ever ingenous ladies made up a name tag for me that said, "Don't hug me here!" or something like that, if you look closely in the pictures on FB, you can see it! LOL We had a good time hanging out, some great food, friends, drinks and then back home to get every one to bed. Got most of the clocks reset just a few moments ago (did you adjust your clocks? spring forward one hour!) and now I think it's time to succumb to the bliss of sleep!

Thank you all for the continuing thoughts and prayers, not looking forward to Monday, but will be good to finally get started. The meals, the visits, the thoughts, the calls, the notes, everything that you are all doing, it is just so great to have so much support from so many different people, across all aspects of our lives. We are truly blessed and thank you for everything!

Chrome dome...

Well if this doesn't make sense, I'll can fully lay the blame on the vicadin and scotch!

What a fantastic last couple of days, really feeling the support!

Yesterday we (whole family including the girls) met with Melanie (Dr. Heyer's nurse practitioner) and went over the drugs they would be using, some resources, answered questions, etc. She was really good with the girls, answering their questions and showing them the medi-port and even let Ashley put the needle into it. Was great for the girls (and us!) all around. Got a tour of the facility, and met some of the staff, so have a better idea of what Monday holds in store. Turns out Melanie also rides and we talked motorcycles and then SCUBA diving too! LOL

It was an early morning woke at 4 am and was wide awake, my mind going about getting the medi-port installed. We got out of here on time and things went very quickly at the hospital. Very smooth registration, right into the Radiology area, great nurses and staff. Dr. Grimmm was the one who inserted the medi-port and he was good about talking with me before and then while he was doing the installation. Marnie got me home were I was looped a little, fed me and I zonked out for 3 or 4 hours. By the time I awoke the lidocaine had worn off and I was hurting something fierce! The girls had just gotten home from school and got me some vicadin.. that helped take the edge off.

We had a great early dinner .. Thanks to Stephanie who not only made the food and brought it, but served us as well! We all sat and talked for a bit, then it was get ready to head over to the motorcycle club meeting. Moving my head or movement of my right arm pulled on the incision site for the medi-port so was like a really bad sunburn even with the pain killers! At the meeting it was great seeing my friends and feeling the support. Then things got wild with Shannon shaving my head! She did a good job of giving me a mohawk, before it all was gone, then Alli shaved me to a smooth chrome dome! Several other guys shaved as well as we raised at least $1200 through generous donations from club members who couldn't/wouldn't shave, and one member donated $100 for each person who did shave! What a great night, even hurting as I was, was really worth it to see everyone supporting me during this time! That money will go to American Cancer Society. There are lots of photos on my Facebook account from tonight's activities, and you can see the whole thing there.


Fading out from the drugs and scotch combo.. so calling it a night.. a reprieve tomorrow before more stuff on Friday. Thanks again for all the thoughts, prayers and continued support!

Sorry...

Well damn, this Cancer is sure affecting me in ways that I'm still coming to terms with!

Yesterday, managed to hurt some people, cause I shut down, didn't communicate and treated them poorly as I struggled with what is going on. I know they were helping, and I know what I did was wrong, but still feel like crap that I hurt people, that is something that I have to live with and make sure doesn't happen again.

I'm lucky that I have some great friends who aren't shy about calling a spade a spade and got me to talk about it. One said the following and it really rings true, "you my dear friend - will need those people in the coming weeks and I am sure they will understand that you are not really fighting with them but with yourself!"

Can't change what happened, but damned if I'm going to let this Cancer have any victories on any fronts! It's a war and I aim to win it physically, mentally and emotionally!

Let it snow!

First of all a huge thank you to everyone for all the thoughts, prayers and sharing about themselves and others in the last week. It has been much appreciated with some real help for me and have really felt the caring pouring out.

So today was a stark reminder that while I feel better.. I'm not! We got over 5" of snow last night and this morning, and dang it looks pretty! Went out and got the snow blower out of the shed and cleared the driveway and sidewalk (also did our neighbors who's wife is battling lung cancer) and then headed into work for a while. Tonight is the first night that people start bring dinners over, and with everything filling up this week, that works out real well.

Felt great to get out and do something, though. Yesterday was likewise productive, had been having computer issues, so I rebuilt one of our machines and fix that problem. Amazing how that accomplishing something trivial like that, really made me feel good. Been a bit since I felt like I was able to contribute some how around the household. And doing that along with clearing the snow today, really felt good. I have to tell you though I'm beat, I ache and thinking after I write this that it might be nap time for a wee bit.

Found out last week that in addition to all the other pre-chemo tests, appointments, etc. That I am having a pulmonary function test this coming Friday. That will give them a baseline to see just how much (if any?!) lung function is impaired/damaged by the Bleomycin during my treatments. Am really hoping that there is none to minimal loss of lung function and that I am still able to dive (maybe not technical diving but at least recreational diving!)

Also discovered over the weekend that people in my Motorcycle Club have been talking and we are going to be doing a little something to raise some money for Cancer Research! I had talked about having the girls shave my head, to give them some buy-in and help me take some control of when I lose my hair. Well several people in the motorcycle club have offered to become chrome domes with me! To top that off, one guy who can't do shave his head because of his job, is going to donate $100 for the first 25 people in the club who do shave their hair. Logan's in Sterling were we hold our monthly meetings on Wednesday is going to allow us to do this in their side room were we meet. It was a spur of the moment thing that is just coming together and going further than I had ever imagined. Am truly amazed and will be cool to see how many people we get who shed their locks!

Encouragement

Well everyone once again amazes Marnie and I with the support, thoughts and prayers.

I wanted to share something that someone wrote back to us, that really struck home for us both. It was worth reading over and over, each time I feel the connection and the support that continues to be so prevalent from all of you.

"Strength and courage as you begin the next phase - my sense is that you have plenty of both! But if yours should falter draw on the strength and courage of those who surround you with love and care. There are many of us walking this journey, with you in our hearts!"

With some dates now set, things are moving. Will be having the medi-port installed on Wednesday Mar 4th, in preparation for the Chemotherapy the following Monday. Also meeting with the Melanie (Dr. Heyer's Nurse Practitioner) on Tuesday to discuss some some of the more mundane, yet important aspects of Chemo. Will be taking Shannon & Ashely with us to that appointment, so that they can see things, ask any questions etc. It was one of the things that Dr. Heyer encouraged us to do, very holistic approach, saying that the families (kids) are welcome so that they can see what's going on.

Choice A or Choice B?

Wondering how to start this and what to say.. thinking I should be drinking a good single malt right now, but alas.. that is upstairs! LOL

So the last couple days have been odd, starting to feel back to normal as I have been recovering from the surgery. Yet still tire out from the oddest things and just want to have a sit and rest. On top of that has just been the waiting to talk to Dr. Heyer (Oncologist). It has been difficult just trying to function normally with that hanging over my head. Nothing much going on, just dealing with work and then hanging out with the family the last couple evenings. Marnie and I had a good date night on Tuesday with a nice quiet dinner and drinks at a local Irish pub.

Today started off at 2:30am when I awoke and couldn’t get back to sleep, my mind was racing with everything going on. So I headed down to the trusty recliner, so that Marnie could get some sleep with out me disturbing her. We got the girls up and went to Donuts with Dad at their school; this is a monthly event that encourages parents to be involved with the children’s learning, in math, reading and other areas. This morning’s topic was Geometry, but it was below the girl’s level, so they were more interested in the Donuts! LOL

First appointment of the day was with Dr. Lialas (Urologist), he was pleased with the progress and recovery from the surgery and we talked about the possibilities after we are done with Chemotherapy. He was very upbeat and encouraging. Then upstairs to finally see Dr. Heyer, were there early and ended up waiting A LONG TIME! LOL While waiting, saw our neighbor who is recovery from lung cancer who, has been receiving treatment at the same practice and they really like the staff and Dr’s, so a very encouraging recommendation.

Dr. Heyer came in and it was good, he was just like we had heard, very personable, knowledgeable and he treated us both well. He talked at a level that was right for both Marnie and then we would get technical together. Never felt like he was pushing his own agenda, rather he took the time to listen to our thoughts, answer our questions and concerns. Must have sat there talking for over an hour as we discussed the two possible regime’s for treating this cancer. He never pushed one over the other, as both are highly effective, rather he just gave impartial pros and cons of each one, so that we could make an informed decision.

So here’s the real meat of the post, after talking to him and talking with Marnie, Dr. Heyer doesn’t want to wait, but rather be a bit aggressive as we don’t know the doubling time of this secondary tumor. After going over things, due to the size and type of tumor the protocol is Chemotherapy at this point. Based on our talking decided to go with a 3 cycle (9 weeks) regime of 3 drugs called BEP (Bleomycin, Etoposide, Cisplatin) This is opposed to a 4 cycle (12 week) regime of EP (Etoposide, Cisplatin). Not only is the BEP a shorter time, but the longer one is on Cisplatin, the more chance of other side effects, as it’s a cumulative risk the longer you take the drug.

With BEP, the Bleomycin will have some impact on lung function, so the worst case here is that I may never be able to SCUBA dive again. But that’s the worst case, and because of the shorter time taking Cisplatin, less chance of having permanent nerve damage that affects my hearing and touch. So that’s the route we chose after looking at the pro’s and con’s of each treatment.

They are going to install a port in my chest to administer the drugs, draw blood from and give me IV fluids, so that they aren’t constantly sticking my arm. Also this will minimize the possibility of veins being burned out by the drugs and me looking like junkie with track marks! Will be having the port inserted sub cutaneously (under the skin) next week. Then I will be starting the first round of Chemotherapy on Monday March 9th. This means I get Etoposide and Cisplatin Mon-Friday of week 1, while I will be getting Bleomycin every Tuesday for 3 weeks straight. Then have weeks 2 and 3 to recover (aside from the Bleo every Tuesday). That is a cycle and I get to repeat it back to back 3 times. So 9 weeks of fun with some nasty poisons coursing through my body.

The hope is that this kills any metastases as well as the 6 cm secondary tumor. Ideally it should shrink the tumor to nothing, but if there is anything left after the 9 weeks they will go in and surgically remove any remnants at that time. This will be determined by a CT scan upon completion of the 3 cycles of chemo and by blood work monitoring the tumor markes.

So that’s about the jist of things, while it’s good to be getting going, and know the plan. It’s also hard, because the plan means for the next 2 months I’m going to be rather miserable. I will lose my hair, however Dr. Heyer said that they now use a family of anti-nausea meds to help stimulate the appetite and shouldn’t see significant weight loss. Also will have significant fatigue from the drugs, and that will be most prevalent during the first 10 days of each 21 day cycle. So enjoy it while it lasts! Will be sure to take plenty of photo’s and capture the moments.

Had a good sit down this evening with the girls and we talked, Ashley and Shannon both seemed to be doing well with things, Marnie too! They asked some questions and like that I was going to be bald (well Ashley did ..hhehehe) It was good to see that they weren’t scared, Shannon gets it and understand a lot, think she’s holding back more than she’s saying, but we’ll see as things progress. My mother is going to be coming out for the first 2 cycles of chemo, so that will really help Marnie as she wasn’t sure how she was going to make it through the first cycle! My younger sister was already planning to visit in early April for Spring Break, so she’ll be here too to lend a hand were needed.

It’s a lot for me to take in, absorb and deal with. Good to know that we’re moving forward expeditiously to eradicate those traitors! But have to say, not looking forward to being poisoned and all the side effects that come with that. But on the other hand, looking forward to the light at the end of the tunnel when the cancer is gone and I’m baaaaaccccckkkkkk!!

Forms, paperwork and more forms...

Been an interesting couple days, Sunday was a very needed and relaxing lull before the storm. Marnie had to leave for a work trip around noon, so the girls and I just chilled. Watched some TV with the girls, some movies, surfed the net for a while, did some organization of files, and played Rock Band with the girls! A few things were productive the others were just need recuperation time.

Well yesterday got a full day in at the office again, although I was hurting by the end of the day. Sore and tired, think I was asleep before the girls! LOL The girls were good in the morning, we got out of the house on time, and the rest of the external stitches came out that morning (ok so I helped just a wee bit with the last couple ;-) ). The incision is healing very nicely, although still slightly swollen and tender to the touch. I am really pleased with how Dr. Lialas did the surgery and were the incision is located. The scar will be very thin and hard to notice when fully healed.

So finished filling out all the forms for the Dr. Heyer, the Oncologist. I think it was something like 12 pages of forms about medical history, history of cancer in the family, as well as the usual first visit stuff! Luckily I was able to do that packet of forms online, so that was really cool. Went over to Dr. Heyer's office to drop of all the lab reports, CT results and paperwork from Dr. Lialas so that Dr. Heyer could review it before my appointment on Thursday. When I asked the receptionist if that was everything they needed.. got more stuff to fill out! LOL Some medical release paperwork, and insurance stuff. I think I have finally gotten it all taken care of now. WHEW!

This week is a little strange as things are so back to normal after the last two weeks. Marnie traveling a couple days for work, kids in school, me back working like nothing has happened. Yet looming out there on the horizon is the knowledge of what is to come, Chemotherapy. While I don't want to know and would love to put it off!! Know all to well that I just need to get in there and moving with that next step and get through it. This waiting is starting to get to me. It is just kind of gnawing at the back of my mind and can't wait to just put this all behind me!

Continue to get emails from family and friends, that leave me hunting for tissue, that reaffirm my faith and remind me how lucky I am to have people like you that truly do care about me. Really makes me think and wonder what I did to be so honored with your concern and friendship?

Pain sucks..

Well it does.. and it sucks the energy right out of you.. just amazing how one little thing this afternoon turned my whole evening upside down. Had a nice relaxing day for the most part, and then went to pick Ashley up without thinking about it. Got her about 2 inches off the ground and went OMG!!

This evening I have just been hurting from that simple thing, feeling drained and pretty much useless. It's amazing how that little faux pas, just ruined the evening. And it's really getting old hurting!

On another note, just realized that I hate not being able to do those things, can't carry a basket full of clothes up the stairs, can't pick up my daughter, can't do this... can't do that.... AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!! And then I feel like I'm burdening Marnie, cause she's having to do those things. Top that off with when I'm hurting and just want to lie down in the recliner and she's trying to get things done around the house. Makes me feel pretty low, not feeling like I'm contributing and helping out. I mean I know I can't do this stuff.. but still bugs me.

Ah well on a happier note, some friends came over and we rocked out with Rock Band for a bit.. that was a good time!

Trying to organize

Well you may be reading this whole thing for the first time, or again, not sure. But wanted to combine all the bits and pieces into one place, and it has really been helpful and cathartic for me to write it all down here.

It’s still hard to fathom that it’s been 2 weeks since surgery and I found out I had cancer, and just a week since I found out that it had spread. Doing so much better coming to terms with everything now, but at times it is just oppressive and have a good cry on Marnie’s shoulder.

For the most part getting my strength back now after the surgery. Yesterday was a minor set back when the cat decided to bound across our bed and landed full force with both front paws on my incision site. Let’s just say that I was seeing stars and the cat went flying! Some ibuprofen and a couple hours supine really helped things a lot and did wonders for me. Each day I’m gaining back more strength, still tire a little too easy and strange things will set me back, but overall moving forward and onward.

Will probably be a lull in updates, until after I see the oncologist on Thursday, February 26th. At that time, we get a lot more questions answered, and will be sharing that out with everyone. Until then just working on continuing to recover from the surgery and getting things squared away as much as possible in anticipation of being out of things for a bit once I start chemotherapy. For those that are interested in helping out, please do contact Christine Chambliss as she is the one who is coordinating things for us.

Continue to be astounded by the responses from those near and afar, it has really meant a lot to Marnie and me the way you have all offered support in one form or another. We are truly very lucky to have you as our friends!

Mid-week review

Well trying to get back to semblance of normalcy again after the last 10 days of surreal existence.

Got things all lined up for the oncologist (Dr. Heyer) and they are so with the 21st century that it’s cool. Filled out all the paperwork online! That was a nice reprieve from having to sit in the waiting room doing that there. Additionally over the last couple days have heard from a couple people that Dr. Heyer and his group are really, really good. So that was nice unsolicited information to get and helps assuage any doubts.

Been recovering from the initial surgery and that is going well. The incision is healing nicely and some of the swelling is going down. Tried to wear pants for the first time on Sunday afternoon, that didn’t go too well! I really impacted against things and after a couple hours I was out for the count from the pain. Since then been back in sweat pants until today.

Trying for a full day back in the office, and wearing normal clothing, although did bring some looser fitting stuff, just in case! We’ll see how that goes, both with the clothing and making it all day sitting in the office. Got in a few hours yesterday afternoon, so been working up to things slowly.

Mentally I have been getting my head around things and on top of everything that has happened, the implications and effects. Getting there slowly and most of the time doing well, sometimes I have those moments and just try to get through them. Was answering emails yesterday and realized that writing here has been some what cathartic for me, so will be continuing to do this every few days. I still worry for Marnie and the girls, talked to Shannon last night on our way to dinner with the motorcycle club and she seems to understand, but is quiet and not sure it has all sunk in for her. She got a big kick out of the fact, that there is a chance I could lose my hair during the treatment. Ashley just continues to give the unconditional hugs and love, she knows Dad is sore, hurting and there’s more to come. Marnie and I have had some good cries together; it has been good for us. Sometimes things out of the blue will strike one or both of us and it’s time to hunt for the Kleenex.

Christine Chambliss and I talked this morning and she told me that you all have already booked out March and April for providing us meals! She’s going to add Tuesdays to the list. Additionally Christy and Kim Mister have set up a PayPal account for those who want to contribute something but can’t cook or are too far away. They are going to use the money to order out for us..fantastic!

We continue to be amazed by the out pouring of support for us and that is just so humbling. You are all truly awesome people and I’m blessed to have you involved in my life.

What you can do to help

We are in awe of the number of people who want to help out in some way. It has truly taken us by surprise and Marnie & I were just talking about figuring out some way that people could contribute. I know for me, the old saying about being as wealthy as the number of friends you have is coming so true and catching me off guard with the out pouring from folks. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking that in some way We/I have touched so many people that so many of you want to reach back and help us out.

Low and behold, Christine Chambliss wrote us and has offered to coordinate things for meals, etc starting that first week in March. If that is something you would like to help out with, then please contact her at cchambliss1001@yahoo.com She has some other ideas as well, so share with her, and that would be great! She has set up a public calendar at http://calendar.yahoo.com/cchambliss1001 to help with the coordination of things.

This fits well, as in the next couple weeks we are just trying to get some small stuff wrapped up and get ready for the next push when I meet with the Oncologist on Thursday Feb 26th. I'm sure that it will be then that things will be getting rather crazy and that is when we will need the most assistance. Beyond that at this point, we are keeping our spirits up, I'm recovering from the surgery and trying to get back to normal to keep from going stir crazy! LOL

Again you really shock and amaze us. Thank you so much for all you have/are doing for us, we are truly blessed.

p.s. Please feel free to forward this to others whom we have missed...

Test Results

Well Wednesday (Feb 11th) was test day. Having gotten my Chest X-ray on Tuesday also picked up the 2 bottles of barium for the CT scans. Course I slept like crap Tuesday night and was up at 3am Wednesday morning never made it back to sleep that day. Couldn't eat for 6 hours prior to my tests and then 2 hours prior had to start drinking the barium contrast (foulest stuff known to man, blech!) in preparation for the 2:30pm CT Abdomen & Pelvis (w & w/o contrast). So get over to the radiology place, drink half of the second bottle, getting ready to head in and then they finally read my paperwork and see that I'm allergic to Benadryl. Well that threw them for a loop, as Benadryl is what they use if someone has an allergic reaction to the CT contrast! They were scared I might have a problem (why I don't know.. told them I'm not allergic to the contrast!), anyways they decided that I should have the CT done at the hospital. At which point I got a bit irate, having already drunk 1 ½ bottles of foulness, was not going to have that be wasted! To make a long story short, we had to drive down to Fairfax Hospital to have the CT done. A couple paper work loopholes to jump through, great techs and a long walk from/back to the parking garage later and it was all done. Got home exhausted from not eating, and all the walking/use of energy and I was wiped out. Some food and I crashed hard. Think I actually slept in our bed that night for the first time since the surgery.

Thursday morning (Feb 12th) and feeling much better after a good 10 hours sleep and going to make it into work today for a little bit. That went well, was good to get out of the house, be functional and feels like I was a little productive even! Cleaned out my inbox, got a few messages answered and even attended a meeting, before I was running down, so made it almost 4 hours before I came home, crashed out for a while and then was awoken by the phone ringing. It was Clearview Elementary calling and we needed to come pick up Shannon, cause she had a fever. So off I go down to school to collect my daughter, get her home and take her temp 104.5.. NICE! Well let's just say that Thursday afternoon didn't turn out how I envisioned and spent the time managing her fever with ice packs, Motrin and lots of TLC. That evening a friend brought us dinner which was REALLY NICE, because I was exhausted and Marnie was now being the TLC for Shannon. Moved back to the recliner that evening, as Shannon and Marnie fell asleep in our bed upstairs. I didn't want to take the chance of Shannon rolling/moving her sleep and hitting my incision site on the left, so back downstairs to my trusty chair. Kept waking up every couple hours and didn't sleep soundly.

Well now we are getting to the good stuff, you had to read all the catch up to get to Friday (Feb 13th). Scheduled to see the urologist (Dr. Lailas, whom Marnie and I both really like a lot!) at 2pm. So stayed home in the morning for a bit with Shannon who is feeling like normal now! Then off to work for a farewell lunch with one of my guys who was leaving, didn't want to miss sending him off, and an All Hands meeting for our division, that my boss had asked me attend in person if possible. All is good, being at the office went better than the day before and swung by the house, picked up Marnie (she came home early, so that Shannon wasn't home alone) and off we go to see Dr. Lailas. Took over an hour before we finally see him (turns out his staff had been calling the wrong place to get the pathology report! Duoh!) I think I finally fell asleep curled up on the exam table..hehehehe He finally comes in and likes the way the incision is healing, we talk about the pain in my left abdomen/pelvis from his removal of the spermatic cord and moving things around.

Things are light hearted and then they took a more somber note, when he said I have good, bad, and bad news. The good news is that pathology report showed that the tumor in my testicle was indeed a seminoma. First bit of bad news was that I had two types of cancer. Not only was it a seminoma, but it was mixed with a teratoma, with some necrosis noted in the pathology report. As an aside, the ultrasound showed that there were actually 2 mass in my testicle, one was 3 x 1.9 x 2 cm and the other was 1.7 x 1.5 x 2 cm, of this seminoma/teratoma mixed cancer. The other interesting thing to note here is that the blood work showed only elevated levels of the tumor markers LDH, the levels of AFP (alpha fetal protein) and hCG (human chorionic gonadotropin) were both normal. This usually is indicative of just a seminoma, with other types of testicular cancers they usually see increased levels of AFP and hCG, well just goes to show you I'm not normal.. but heck most of you already knew that!

Now the final bit of bad news has been the hardest one to digest and still trying to process all the implications. The CT scan showed that the cancer had indeed metasized to my abdomen. There is a 6 cm mass. The cancer has traveled up the lymphatic system to its favorite site and has grown there in the retroperitoneal space between my left kidney and aorta. At this point, that was the only mass seen, there was no infiltration to other abdominal organs or the lungs. Right now I'm classified as Stage IIC (this is due to the size of the metasized mass). The survival rate for this is like 95-98%



So what does all this mean? Well it means that I had something for a bit longer than I thought! LOL as well it means that I get to endure the joys of chemo therapy. Right now I have to heal up from the surgery, and then I see the oncologist on Feb 26th. It is then that I find out what the plan of attack is to kill those renegades who have infested my body, as well as what form of chemical warfare will be used, and all the lovely side effects. More on this topic after I see the oncologist in a couple weeks.

Must admit that I feel like crap right now, what had started off seeming so positive, has definitely taken an unexpected turn. Am still trying to process things mentally and damn if it's not kicking my ass at times. I know now, which has helped with the fears of the unknown that were plaguing me before, but damn.. didn't want to know this!! Not going to let this change me from the optimistic person I am, but just taking longer than usual for me to deal with this and that's killing me. The other aspect is that I feel so out of control, I can't do much at this point and so much is in the hands of others. Those that know me know how I thrive on being in control, and having that control.

Ok, so that's the latest and some of you are going, Holy Crap!, others are probably a bit shell shocked, and some are going f'ing cancer and let's nuke that tumor. Well trust me when I say I that I've already been and continue to go through that range of thoughts/emotions.

How can you help? Well keep the thoughts and prayers coming, those are very welcomed, much appreciated and valued. So many of you have called, written and offered to help in any way, and truly wish that I could take everyone of you up on your offers! Right now I think the best help is going to be keeping the girls busy with play dates/sleep over's. And then when the chemo starts, I'm sure some meals on wheels would help out Marnie so she does not have to figure out what to make for dinner every night (usually my job! LOL). For me right now, helping Marnie and the girls is going to be the biggest help for me. I worry about how this going to affect them. At times I'm scared of failing them, being that 2% and leaving them. I know that I have to take things day by day, but damn my mind is going a mile/minute, analyzing this angle, that angle, what are the possibilities of this/that, effects, etc. and everything is a bit over whelming right now.

So trying to sort it all out, devise a strategy, fix some milestones and then execute to perfection!